Exploring Life After Heartbreak with Emmi Fortin

Grace Simmons: 00:00:00

Hello, travelers. My name is Grace Simmons, and this is the Random and Wonderful podcast.

Settle in and listen to stories of wanderlust and transformation as you gain tips to inspire your next travel experience. The Random and Wonderful is brought to you by the Amethyst Palava Hut llc. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Random and Wonderful podcast.

Today my guest is Emmi and we are going to chat about her role as a life guide, but also her travel and excursions and all the different life lessons that she's learned. So welcome, Emmy.

Emmi Fortin: 00:00:42

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me, Grace.

Grace Simmons: 00:00:45

You're very welcome. So, a breakup coach. How do we get into that and what do you do as a breakup coach? Are you teaching people how to break up or is it the before, after?

What do you do?

Emmi Fortin: 00:01:01

Great question. I, you know, when I tell people what I do, they usually say, what, what now? And they need an explanation.

So usually I call myself a breakup and relationship coach. So I'm not here promoting breakups. I'm here to help people through the process if that's the direction that they feel like they need to go.

So it's a lot of self discovery work and just kind of figuring out what your role has been in any past relationships to see if it's serving you, not serving you, what areas you need to shift.

And so, you know, sometimes that does include ending a relationship or, you know, sometimes you're going through a breakup that wasn't your choice and you need some tools and strategies for how to move through that and come out the other side, you know, in a. In a good place.

Grace Simmons: 00:01:47

Wow. Okay. How do people.

So are you finding that people kind of reach out to you maybe when it's a bit too late, or are you able to kind of guide people in either direction?

Emmi Fortin: 00:01:59

Yeah, I have people coming to me from all different points along the relationship journey. Most people, I would say, reach out after they've gone through either a breakup or divorce, or maybe they're in like an on and off relationship.

Like, I was a situationship, maybe they're dating. But I really have had people in kind of all the different points of that journey.

For example, I had one client who, one man who seemed like he was going through a separation with his wife, but he didn't seem to be very clear about what was happening. And so I kind of just guided him through that process, which did ultimately lead, you know, to divorce.

But it gave him a lot of clarity to help him be able to move forward rather than just being stuck in limbo. And I think a lot of people get stuck in the limbo of uncertainty. And so I think it really helps when you have a professional guiding you.

You can gain more certainty about what direction you want to go.

Grace Simmons: 00:02:54

Absolutely, absolutely. Okay, so Spain is your, or was, I guess your turning point. So please, how did you even end up in Spain? Why Spain? Or Soften?

I'd love to hear a bit about that, that journey.

Emmi Fortin: 00:03:10

Yeah.

So I've always enjoyed travel in general, but I had always gone with other people and I was in this on again, off again relationship, which means I was going through breakups with the same person repeatedly for pretty much for six. It was also a situationship, which means it was very unclear, undefined.

I never really knew what was going on and it really led to a lot of my own kind of self worth deterioration, you know, a lot of self doubt, a lot of negative feelings, you know, like anxiety, depression, stress. So, you know, when I was kind of at my lowest point, I realized no one was going to come out and like save me or like pull me out of my funk.

And I knew that I needed to do that myself. And so I just decided, you know what, I'm going to challenge myself to do something that I never thought that I could do, honestly.

And at that point I was in my early 30s, so as a grown woman I totally should have been able to, you know, do something like a solo trip. But it just felt like this is going to be the biggest challenge. I'm navigationally challenged.

So, you know, going to a different country without knowing the language yet not really knowing, you know, subway systems and being bad at directions, I was like, this is going to help me become really independent. It's going to help gain confidence to know that I can do something like this. And it was also kind of scratching my itch for learning Spanish.

I knew I wanted to learn the language and I figured, you know, the best way to do that is immersion. So that's why I chose Spain.

Grace Simmons: 00:04:50

Wow. Okay, so first, were you in one area in Spain or did you kind of move around?

Emmi Fortin: 00:04:58

I moved around. So I based my first. I actually went there two summers in a row. The first summer that I went, I went for three weeks.

And because I wanted to do the immersion, I kind of based where I was going off of the language schools that I found. So I, you know, spent some time in some major cities. So I did one week in Madrid, one week in Barcelona and one week in Malaga.

Grace Simmons: 00:05:19

Were you staying? Is there like a kind of an accommodation or lodging that's attached with these language Schools or did you have to navigate that as well?

Emmi Fortin: 00:05:28

Yeah, so that was also another thing. I was really trying to set myself up for as much success and support as possible since I was going there by myself.

So that's another thing I liked about the language school is that they offered a choice. You could do a homestay with a family or you could, you know, they could arrange an apartment for you.

So the first year that I went, I did family homestays, and second summer that I went, I stayed in an apartment with other students.

Grace Simmons: 00:05:55

Nice. How was it with the. The family?

Emmi Fortin: 00:05:59

It was good, you know. You know, each of them had. Were unique in their own way.

need to be home at, you know,: 10:00

And I was like, oh, o.

Grace Simmons: 00:06:22

Okay. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. And then what was the difference? Did you find a difference between being with the families and then being with a roommate?

Emmi Fortin: 00:06:33

Yeah, yeah, definitely. They, you know, they each provided their, their own values.

It's like, you know, eating with the family allowed me to further practice Spanish and just kind of experience a piece of the culture. I mean, even just the fact that we were eating dinner at 10pm was way different for what I'm used to.

ow, I'm like, what, dinner at: 10:00

So, yeah, it was, it was nice to kind of hear about what their day, you know, looked like. You know, they have siesta in the middle of the day and they get to just chill and relax. And so, yeah, it is a different experience.

Grace Simmons: 00:07:16

I.

So I think sometimes when people want to go traveling, like they find themselves having that self awareness and then having that growth and development. But you seem to have gone with that intention. And yes, there was that language, desire to learn, you know, a different language.

But still, I think going in with the intention probably helped with you being able to navigate that developmental space.

Emmi Fortin: 00:07:42

Yeah, absolutely. And. And I use, I mean, I call it travel for healing in the course that I have with my students. And I do a whole lesson on it because when you.

I think a lot of people and I used to do this a lot, and it's not like a bad thing, but I think a lot of people just like go on vacation to kind of escape their life for a little while, which is great. But then you come back to all the same crap that you left. Right. And so I knew that I didn't want that for myself.

I wanted this to be an opportunity for me to be able to kind of start fresh when I got back and to take whatever I experienced with me into my everyday life. And so, you know, in the lesson in my course, it's like, how can you design a travel experience that supports you in like the path you want to be on?

Grace Simmons: 00:08:34

How did you prepare to go to Spain? So I know it was a temporary. You were doing this over summer, but still, how did you even.

Yeah, from the idea of wanting to go to Spain to getting to that airport, what was that like?

Emmi Fortin: 00:08:49

Yeah, so I did do a lot of research in the. On the front end because again, this was the first time I was solo traveling. First time out of the country by myself.

And I wanted to make sure that I was safe. So I did a lot of research to make sure that I would be in areas where, you know, travel. Like, not travel, but what is the word I'm looking for?

Like subways and buses and taxis. Transportation. That's the word.

Grace Simmons: 00:09:12

Thank you.

Emmi Fortin: 00:09:12

I was like, logistics. What was wrong with me? Yeah, I wanted to make sure that transportation was like, very easily accessible to me and also safe.

So that's why I chose cities. Not that there's anything wrong with being out in nature, but I just, I didn't want to be like in the middle of a jungle by myself for my first time.

And then I also researched, you know, the language schools and chose the ones that had activities that the students could do after classes. That way I would be able to, you know, maybe make some friends and socialize and also have some kind of accountability.

Like if my teacher knew I didn't show up all week, like maybe someone would call my family if I died or, you know.

Grace Simmons: 00:09:52

Yeah, yeah.

Emmi Fortin: 00:09:54

So, yeah, I did that research to choose the spots I was going to. And then I also did like a little mini practice trip. I borrowed my parents SUV and went to Quebec City for a weekend.

So it was drivable, you know, relatively close and pretty safe walled city. So that was a really fun experience too. That's neat.

Grace Simmons: 00:10:13

So I always, I try to advise people, especially when it comes to traveling. Sometimes we try to do these like gigantic leaps into something new. And you could just do a really quick trip that you could drive to as a practice.

Yeah. What was Quebec City like?

Emmi Fortin: 00:10:30

Oh, it's so cute. It's very walkable. And, you know, there are great little restaurants all over.

Of course, there's the Chateau Frontenac, you know, the Castle and just very pretty. And I knew I just wanted to be able to kind of feel really free in roaming around and completely taking my time to just explore because this was a.

This was a huge part of my life where I was yearning for my own kind of self exploration. And the physical act of exploring in a new city is a part of that.

Grace Simmons: 00:11:04

Yes, absolutely. Going back to Spain, you've gone multiple times.

What made you keep coming back and why, like, would you ever go to another Spanish speaking country to kind of do the same thing? Or is Spain like your place to go?

Emmi Fortin: 00:11:21

Yeah, I mean, I had such a profound experience my first time. I just loved it so much that I just, I wanted to go back. I knew I was gonna go back like when I left.

And I had a completely different experience the second time I went.

The first time I was mostly by myself when I was doing things, you know, I had students and stuff, but I just like really like wanted to explore and I roam around by myself and I did that a lot. The second year when I went back, I met a woman from Miami and she's actually. She was Russian, but from Miami, living in Miami.

And we hit it off like right away. And that was like the first weekend that I was there. And we spent like the whole month doing stuff together.

So it was a really different experience, but still, you know, really fun and helpful to my growth. And then I did go on to visit other Spanish speaking countries by myself. I took a trip to Cuba, but that was in like a guided tour experience.

And then I also went to Colombia and I was by myself there, but I had a friend who kind of hooked me up with some, you know, meeting with some of her family here and there and, you know, people that she knew. So I'd have these like touch points.

Grace Simmons: 00:12:27

Yeah, it's really important. One of the things I think, especially when I went to Portugal, I found it really easy to find different networks through Facebook.

And there's that like, safety aspect, right, where at least I needed to know that someone in the country knew where I was and my family could, yeah, sure, you're going to be hanging out with these people. Like there's that, that nice network. I think even when you're traveling solo, people tend to feel like you're always going to be by yourself.

And there's that advantage. Yes.

Of, you know, if you're going to a language school, sure they're going to be other people, but you are able to meet someone and then connect with them throughout your entire stay there.

Emmi Fortin: 00:13:09

That's.

Grace Simmons: 00:13:10

How often does that happen for you?

Emmi Fortin: 00:13:13

Well, like I said, the other two experiences I had after that and in the Latin countries were more. Well, one of them was in a group, so I was like always. But I did find, you know, I consider myself to be an introvert.

I would rather be inside myself than like talking to everyone. And I found that when I was traveling on my own to Spain. I mean, I was talking to everyone.

I think it's just you allow yourself to be so much more open to other people, to conversation that I don't do at home. And I even really tried to, like, bring that back home with me. I'm like, I was so kind of like, extroverted when I was there.

Grace Simmons: 00:13:55

How come?

Emmi Fortin: 00:13:56

I, like, shell back up when I get home. Right. It's like, kind of weird.

But I think also, like, wanting to learn Spanish really helped me to do that because I was like, literally willing to talk to anyone who would talk to me so they could practice.

Grace Simmons: 00:14:08

How did you get over that fear and concern of you're now trying a brand new language in another country and trying to connect with other people?

Emmi Fortin: 00:14:17

Yeah. And I think a lot of people are fearful about trying to speak a new language, but I find it exciting. So I wouldn't say that.

Like, I wouldn't say that I had a fear of it. I was just always really friendly and smiley and the people love when you're trying to speak their language.

So I found that most people were just like, really encouraging. And, you know, I'd find myself always saying, like, I understand if you speak slowly and then they would slow down, you know.

So, yeah, I wasn't fearful at all. I just kind of like leapt into it and like, really, really enjoyed it.

Grace Simmons: 00:14:55

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What are some takeaways that you gained from that experience? Especially Your solo travels? Yeah, Yeah.

Emmi Fortin: 00:15:38

I mean, aside from the fact that it was like, life changing for.

For me as like growing my own self dependence, it really opened the door to my mind about what I was capable of because I would always think of myself like, oh, I'm not the kind of person who can do that. Well, why not?

Like, after I did that and kind of proved to myself that I could do something that I thought I would never be able to do, it allowed me to also think about other things that maybe I thought I would never do. Like, write a book and become an author. Like, I never ever thought in my whole life that, like, I would be an author.

But because of that experience, I was like, well, why not? Why can't I be an author?

And so it, you know, I wrote my memoir, and then after that, you know, it just like kind of grows one experience on the other.

Because then after you do that, I was like, well, I was a high school biology teacher for 16 years, and at that point I wasn't, you know, I wasn't really feeling it anymore. Like, I really, really wanted to go into this, you know, coaching business and help people in a different way.

And so I was like, why not shift, Change my career? Like, I never thought. I thought I was gonna be a teacher my whole entire life. I'd retire a teacher. Right. And so it really took a lot for me to.

To question that and be like, wait, maybe it is possible for me to do something different, leave something behind. I mean, that was a huge decision. To go on a path that is completely unknown, which is exactly like travel.

Grace Simmons: 00:17:17

Yeah.

Emmi Fortin: 00:17:18

Yeah.

Grace Simmons: 00:17:19

I always.

I still love that travel has been that developmental opportunity I think that you can use, whether you're trying to get to know yourself or you're trying to challenge what you know of yourself already. Again, we tend to limit what we think we can do because of our past life experiences. Right. But it's.

It's an incredible, like, it feels like baby steps as you're enjoying this experience. You're traveling, you're getting to know people, and then when you come back to reality and you're like, I. I am different. I have grown.

I could do so much more than I thought I could. That's incredible. What's the. What's the name of your book or what's the name of your memoir?

Emmi Fortin: 00:18:00

It's called who Is yous Red? One Woman's Quest to Break Up With a Love Addiction. My friend describes it as a cross between Sex and the City and the world of salsa dancing.

Grace Simmons: 00:18:11

All Right.

Emmi Fortin: 00:18:12

It's very spicy. I will tell people. Listen, you have to, like, explicit content if you. If you want to read my book.

Grace Simmons: 00:18:20

I love the warning. Okay. That's awesome. Yeah.

Emmi Fortin: 00:18:26

I have noticed, too, though, to end, because I kind of only partially answered your question. Like, the other things that I've gotten from travel, you know, it's just the cultural experience.

Like, it also makes you completely think about your life and the things that you worry about, versus, like, seeing all the different ways that other people in different countries live. Their philosophies, their culture, their ideologies, their values.

Like, I think it's really important for people to be exposed to as many different things as possible in life and different people as possible so that you don't get pigeonholed in your own belief system.

Grace Simmons: 00:19:07

That's a great point. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, it's important. It's important to remember, as big as this world is, there are a lot of things that connect us.

And some of the things that make us different are things that we could learn from others. You know, like you said, especially when it comes to the different cultures and the way that people value, like, time.

I am always reminded of how I'm used to, like, you know, after. In the afternoon, right? You're done with work. There's something else to do. You're going here, you're. There are so many other things to do.

And that time in Portugal, I remember just having to slow down. People are like, I don't. Why are we rushing? What are you doing? We're gonna have some food. Like, just calm down and take it easy.

And I think it's definitely something that I want to continue to practice. Being here is being intentional about my time and making sure that I am protecting my peace as. As much as possible.

Emmi Fortin: 00:20:09

That's such a great observation, because I've experienced that as well. It's like, I don't know, it seems like every other country is just, like, way more chill than we are here in the US And I'm like, this is so bright.

Well, I'm curious.

Grace Simmons: 00:20:21

Where.

Emmi Fortin: 00:20:21

Where did you go in Portugal? Because I was able to visit there many years ago as well.

Grace Simmons: 00:20:26

I was in Porto.

Emmi Fortin: 00:20:27

Oh.

Grace Simmons: 00:20:28

And it's so, so cute. But I think one of the beautiful things about it is just where that river comes in, you're kind of surrounded by. There are two towns on either side.

And it's just. I don't know, like, it looks like a picture, and it's kind of nice that when you're in it, it feels Just as relaxed as it does.

Like from a distance you kind of look and you see like the, you know, this old city and it's, there's a little hustle and bustle around it, but even there there's still moments of like peace and relaxation and. Yeah. That I still haven't had a chance to experience that in the States.

Emmi Fortin: 00:21:05

That's awesome. Love that. And the seafood. Hello. If you eat seafood. So good.

Grace Simmons: 00:21:10

Oh my goodness. Yes. Yes I do. And yes, it is like everything. I know they're little. The little tart like the egg custard.

Emmi Fortin: 00:21:20

Tarts, the pasta duarte, those were my favorite when I was there. I was like, where can I get a truckload of these?

Grace Simmons: 00:21:27

Goodness. So good. Yeah. Now I'm like, I need to make a trip to Lidl and grab some more.

What is a self care practice that you have learned from your travels that you practice today?

Emmi Fortin: 00:21:44

That's a great question. I have a lot of self care practices, but one specifically from my travels honestly is probably to keep on traveling.

Like I think a lot of times it's very easy and you know, I do it too is like you kind of come up with excuses, not even excuses, but just reasons of like why you shouldn't or it's not a good time, you know, like, oh, it's the holidays, I can't go somewhere on the holidays. Like what will my family say? Or I don't have the money to travel right now or you know, how am I going to get the time off of work?

Like I think I really try to prioritize the fact that exploration in the form of travel is really important to my own happiness and personal development.

And so by making it a priority, I figure out how to pay for that trip or I figure out, you know, how to rearrange my work schedule so I can go or whatever it is, you know, I talk to my family and say, hey, I know that you might not like this, but this year I'm actually going to go here on Thanksgiving. It's not like I make a habit of it, but I think there's a lot of like beliefs and thoughts that people just accept and don't ever challenge.

What about you.

Grace Simmons: 00:23:05

There? I think a practice of, of peace that I'm having, it comes up every once in a while is trying to be more like actively observant.

I know there are times where I try to coach as I'm talking to people and I'm like, we could do this, this could be great. But I think something that's coming up is just remembering to kind of step back and listen, even if I disagree.

And I'm saying that as a practice because it is 100% something that I'm still working on. But I think when I'm traveling, you know, there's that curiosity about what people are doing and why they're doing it.

And that's something that I want to pull into my everyday because I'm used to that. Right. I'm used to the people. I'm used to probably how they're going to react to something.

And I think if I can remind myself to do the same, that I would in another country is just to kind of sit back and relax and just observe. Like, why do you see that situation the way that you do? Or why do you think that way? Or I think that may be more helpful.

It'll probably lead to more understanding, maybe not agreement, but understanding of why people are the way that they are. So I think that's. Yeah, that's one of the things that I'm. I'm working on.

Emmi Fortin: 00:24:19

That's awesome. I love that. I mean, observation is probably the thing you're doing the most when you're traveling.

It's just like all this newness and like, different things. And when you come back to your normalcy, like, it's more unfamiliar to do that.

Grace Simmons: 00:24:37

Yeah, yeah. Because you're like, I should let me get in there. Let me interact, let me, you know. Nah, just attempt to take it easy.

Oh, I have a question that I forgot to ask. When you were navigating the transportation, how did that work out for you?

So were you able to kind of navigate and move around in the cities, or did you find it a bit complicated or different?

Emmi Fortin: 00:25:01

Well, I mean, Europe is just so well connected that it was. It was very easy. You know, I mostly took the subway trains. And then, you know, every once in a while I would maybe take an Uber.

Like, if I was out partying late, you know, I'm like, well, the trains are done now, so I have to take an Uber. No, I. I mean, in Spain, especially, the.

I found the transportation to be pretty easy to navigate, but I would always study, like, my subway map, like, in my room before I would go, just to really have a clear idea, like, okay, what are my stops? Where is that bringing me? Because I'm not the kind of person that that comes naturally to. I can't just, like, figure it out in the moment.

I need, like, at least 30 minutes to, like, study the map and figure it out.

Grace Simmons: 00:25:41

But, you know, we're Talking about safety, that is also a safety thing, too, is to make sure, you know, like, your different stops and where you're going so that you're not trying to figure it out on the way there.

Emmi Fortin: 00:25:51

So, yeah, you don't want to look. I think you're just being safe, like, wandering around.

Grace Simmons: 00:25:57

Exactly. We don't want that.

Emmi Fortin: 00:26:00

Although I did a lot. I was, like, pulling out my map, like, oh, my gosh, I have to share. I know. It's like 30 minutes. I have to share this story.

Grace Simmons: 00:26:08

Yeah, go on, please.

Emmi Fortin: 00:26:08

There's this one time in Barcelona. I had been walking for what seemed like days, and it was just the mid of summer.

The heat was oppressive, and I was just, like, so tired, and I didn't know where in the world I was going or, like, what to do. Bus to get on.

So I'm sitting there at this bus stop, standing with my huge paper map, like, open in front of me, in front of the subway map, just, like, looking at the subway map and then back at my map and then the subway map and then back at my map, just, like, trying to figure it out. And the whole time, this, like, old Catalan woman was just sitting on the bench watching me.

And then finally, she was like, in Spanish, she's like, you need help? And I was like, yes, yes. But she then proceeded to explain what I should do in Catalan, which is a dialect of Spanish, which I didn't understand.

And she was speaking pretty fast. And so at the end, I was just like, oh, thank you, you know, like, muchas gracias, you know, And I was like.

So I got on the bus and I sat down, and she got to the back of the bus, and then I got off at a stop, and I, like. I turned around to, like, kind of, like, wave at her, and I.

Her face was just, like, so, like, confused and, like, downtrodden, because she's like, no, like, that's how I told you to take away. I was like, bye. Oh, my poor woman. She, like, thinks I'm hopeless, I'm sure.

Grace Simmons: 00:27:36

Oh, wait, did you get off completely or.

Emmi Fortin: 00:27:40

Oh, yeah, I got off. And I was like, all right, wait for the next bus.

Grace Simmons: 00:27:44

Figure it out. I love that. And you survived.

Emmi Fortin: 00:27:51

I did. I did survive. I have to say that, like, luck, someone was on my side watching me. So I have been lucky in that regard. I like that.

Grace Simmons: 00:28:03

No, I'm glad you shared the story. Before we go to questions one, is there anything that I haven't asked that you would like to share?

And then the second one's Just going to be where we can find you. So is there anything that you'd. Yeah. Anything that you'd like to share what's coming up for you?

Emmi Fortin: 00:28:20

Yeah, I mean, I guess I would just like to again, draw the parallel to pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone to do something that is a unfamiliar, but also maybe even like really pushing yourself to your. To your edge, you know, and travel a lot of times. Is that for people?

Because when you can do that, you can definitely open your mind to see things in different ways.

And that is a really, really key tool in helping you get unstuck from, you know, let's say a breakup or a toxic relationship or even any kind of life transition where you just have this, like, overwhelming challenge and you're like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this. That skill of, like, learning how to see things differently and being open to.

To maybe things you hadn't considered before can really open up so many opportunities to have a life way better than you ever even imagined for yourself.

Grace Simmons: 00:29:16

Thank you. Well, it's a great way to wrap up. Oh, also. So you are including a freebie. What is it?

Emmi Fortin: 00:29:27

Yes, I love this freebie because it's nice and concise. But then they also have the full guide for people who like to read. So it's called my relationship Cheat Sheet Guide.

And the very first page is just like, this graphic that can really kind of clearly help you identify what is your ideal relationship.

And, you know, that can help you figure out if you're currently in the right relationship or the wrong relationship, maybe help you figure out what you want a future relationship to look like and also understand areas where you might need to shift in order to attract that into your life.

So that is the cheat sheet, and then it comes with a pretty comprehensive guide of the three reasons why men and women end up in unfulfilling and toxic relationships and how to overcome those three things.

Grace Simmons: 00:30:14

And we will find that in the show notes because, yeah, that's gonna be needed for everyone. Well, thank you so much. Thank you, Emmy, for being my guest and for sharing your experience. I really appreciate it.

Emmi Fortin: 00:30:28

Yeah. Thanks for helping me share these stories with everybody.

Grace Simmons: 00:30:32

Absolutely. Hey there, Grace. Here. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained some useful takeaways. Thank you so much for listening and staying until the end.

Don't forget to rate the show or share it with some friends. Have a wonderful week. Take care, and remember, be bold, be curious. Be ready to tell your story. You never know who needs it.

Emmi Fortin: 00:30:53

Bye.

Grace Simmons: 00:30:53

Bye.